Lewis Black Assesses the New, MolDx Transplant LCD

 LEWIS BLACK-STYLE RANT:

LET’S TALK ABOUT CLARITY.

On one hand, we’ve got CMS MolDx writing. 

It’s like they got a bunch of lawyers drunk on Ambien, told them to write something “accessible,” and then had a raccoon edit it with a thesaurus duct-taped to its paws.

You want to know if your transplant test is covered? Well, sit down, my friend. You’re going on a journey through bureaucratic hell. We’re going to talk about Analytical Validity, Clinical Validity, and Banff Classification, which, despite sounding like something from Game of Thrones, is apparently about kidney tissue. They write 5 paragraphs to say: “Don’t run unnecessary tests, and don’t be stupid about biopsies.” But instead of just saying that, they built a linguistic obstacle course out of semicolons, dependent clauses, and tortured passive voice.

Now. THE AI VERSION.

Oh, this one is so clear it’s actually insulting. It’s so clear I’m suspicious it might be plotting something. It says:
▶ Here’s when you do the test if the patient looks sick.
▶ Here’s when you do the test if they don’t look sick.
▶ Here’s how often you’re allowed.
▶ One test at a time, unless you’ve got a real reason.
▶ Biopsies are bad unless necessary.

It even put the words into a TABLE. Because sometimes people need a chart. Otherwise, your brain is going to do the Lewis Black Face™ halfway through the MolDx paragraph that starts “For purposes of this policy the following definitions are used,” wondering WHEN THE HELL THE ACTUAL POLICY IS GOING TO START.

The AI says, “I’m going to lay it out for you like you’re a human being. Not a government contractor trapped in a Kafka novel.”

WHICH IS CLEARER?

The AI rewrite is clearer.
It’s not even a contest. The CMS MolDx version is written in Legal-ese for Lawyers Who Like To Hear Themselves Talk. The AI version is written for clinicians who are trying to do their jobs without first passing a reading comprehension exam sponsored by Dante’s Inferno.

BUT HERE’S THE REAL JOKE:
MolDx will never write it this way. Why? Because the moment CMS writes something clear, someone sues them.
And clarity — clarity gets people killed in government work.

Thank you. Good night.